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Sex and the New Mom – How to Get in the Mood When You’re Not

You have been awake since 5 am. Feeding, diapers, laundry, food, mail, food and more food. You fall into bed at 11pm, praying that your child will sleep for five hours straight. You look at your husband who has a twinkle in his eye. “Couple now? No! Roll over and go to sleep, honey!”

It is a classic show for families with children. As a mother, you are too tired for any kind of sex, let alone serious sex. But you know that physical contact with your spouse is part of a healthy marriage. You are sad because you don’t want to have sex, but you are too tired to do anything. So how can you rekindle your desire for sex, even with a newborn?

1. Put it on the back burner, but don’t forget it. Having a baby takes a lot of time, work and energy. Sex may have to take a back seat when your child needs it. But just like you wouldn’t let food sit on the back burner for a week, don’t completely forget about sex. When the time is not right for you, tell your spouse that you really want to make love again, how about the weekend? Set a realistic time and keep your commitment. Food left on the back burner will end up being bad and the same goes for intimacy in marriage if you ignore sex for too long.

2. Keep it in your mind. Your brain weighs just over three pounds, but it has 12 billion cells and thousands of thoughts that fire every day. These thoughts determine how you think about yourself and how you will act. If you keep saying to yourself, “I’m too tired to have sex” or “I don’t want my husband to see me getting strong,” think about it? You will act on these thoughts and avoid sex indefinitely. Why not think of yourself as a loved one? Reframe your mind and create a different picture of yourself as the woman of your husband’s dreams. Think every day: “I am a sexy woman, my husband wants me. I hope to be intimate with my husband.”

3. Put it on the calendar. When your child has an appointment at the doctor’s office, do you go? Of course you do. Events written in the calendar with a specific time and place are completed. The same goes for sex. Start by setting special time to be intimate with your spouse in your schedule. Look forward to a wonderful time together. You will have a lot of energy and feel very close to your spouse, so you will immediately schedule the time for your next love.

Having a new baby means making adjustments in your marriage. When you make time for sex, you will find that your partner becomes more responsive to your needs. She will do more diapers and help with the baby so you can get ready for your night together at home. Now that’s something to make you feel good!

Today’s Action Step: Talk to your husband about this article, “Sex and the New Mom.” Schedule an appointment in two weeks for sex.

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