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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong
Are things not going as you would like in your life or at home? This is a common problem, but where are the answers on how to fix the problem? Almost all of our problems start in our heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problem and find a way to solve it. It starts with you and your mindset. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making big changes in your life and your family.
1. This is the most difficult. Don’t believe everything you think right now, but you can change your mind. This is what makes us different from animals – the ability to think what we think.
Just because you think something is true, doesn’t make it true. If you think the world is flat, it doesn’t change the fact that it is round. If I think someone is mad at me, it’s just a reflection of my thoughts and has absolutely nothing to do with what other people really think. This brings to mind a group of teenagers who are tied to each other by who thinks what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All these speculations in no way represent Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be sure to believe everything you think!
2. Ask yourself, “What is my struggle?” Try putting the things that bother you on paper. Write in concrete and specific words. Make it personal — “I’m bored.” “I have no money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now, ask yourself: What brought me here? Write down everything you can think of that has brought you to this moment in your life. This is not an accusation, but an open and honest look at your life, your actions, your thoughts. Another question to ask yourself to help with this part of the process is: “What am I hearing?” “What did I see?” and most of all, “What am I telling myself?’
Pay special attention to this last question and take the time you need to complete this process honestly and honestly.
4. The next part makes you look for evidence, or the result of your thinking. Now the question is – “What are the physical, tangible results or evidence of my thinking?” How have you seen your thinking manifest in the real world? Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you want to see in your world. Also, don’t forget to write down the answer to this question. “How do I want to come?” Or “What do I want that’s different?” In this step, define what you want in the clearest detail. Use all your senses to define your desires. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you go through this process and something in your head says something like, “It’s not going to happen.” “Don’t be a dreamer.” “It’s useless.” Go back to step one. Your life CAN change completely, and it starts in your mind. Countless people have proven this over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s crazy, it doesn’t happen! Keep going! Fight the imagination and start changing everything!
6. After all the work you did in steps 1-5 is done, it’s time to look for change. Here is the next important question that you must ask yourself and write down the answer – “What thoughts and actions correspond to my new vision?” What are you willing to do to make a difference for yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth the effort.
Decide on 3 to 5 things you wrote down that you can start working on right away. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take months for real changes to take effect, but changes will come if you keep at it.
I want to tell you about my own experience in these stages and some changes that came in life because I did what I was told to do.
Three and a half years ago, I was lying on my back with a back injury that was caused by excess weight, overwork and stress. My wife and three kids put a bed in the living room for me so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t climb stairs because my back was so bad). I could barely walk. I neglected my health until I was 5’3″ 178 pounds with a limp. I wasn’t used to sitting up and just having to stay in bed drove me crazy. My little four year old daughter had to go to I was with a friend for a week, because I could not take care of him. After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, lonely for my child, frustrated with everything that was not done, I started. to see for myself. I have not described all these steps, but when I look back, I see that I did exactly as I commanded you.
1. Don’t believe everything you think–I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve to be cared for, not me. I don’t need help.
2. What is my struggle? I am sick, fat, unhealthy, unable to take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always take time to take care of everyone else, but never myself. I don’t think I have time to take care of myself, and I can just go on like this. I eat like crap. I don’t exercise. I sleep late and then I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical / tangible results? Here I am, unable to do anything. I can barely take care of myself, let alone other people.
I was sick inside to find myself in that situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud, “I CAN’T LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE!” I think I was a little shocked when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the yard, playing with my children, without pain. I imagined myself, thin, healthy, running. I found walking, swimming—I was active. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I began to feel hope again. I became obsessed with seeing what I loved – the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions align with my new vision? I still need physical therapy. I had to eat healthier and smaller portions. As soon as I was free, I had to exercise. I had to develop a way to gain strength. I needed more rest. I needed to ask for help more often. I had to make time to take care of myself.
I wrote everything down. Before I got out of bed, I started saying to myself, “I’m thin and healthy and beautiful, take care of me, and I deserve it.” (I still tell myself this 3 ½ years later.)
The following week I was able to start physical therapy. It took a long time, but within a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more motivated. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system to count my food. I tried new foods. Willing to help my whole family. They helped me find time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I had in years.
Then, a year and a half into my efforts, there was a setback. I’m tired of eating well. I was fed up with the number of my meals. I lost motivation to continue. I gained 15 pounds back and saw that the scale was back where it belonged. I was in the dumps and thought, “What’s the point?” What did I do? It’s the same – I defined the problem, looked at how I got to this point, looked at the results, updated my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a little bit. I bought a counter (secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to get away from the old one. For the most part, I did everything I did before, but I reconsidered it because of my new situation. I lost 15 lbs. I’m back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with previous weight loss). I have 16 pounds to go where I want to go. My back doesn’t hurt anymore and last Saturday I spent the day diving with my daughter – something I would never have been able to do 3 years ago.
The process is working! Change your thinking and vision and change your life!
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