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Rant – Move Over Dennis Miller – I’ve Got Some Things to Say About Health, Fitness and Nutrition
Time to get some things off my chest about health, fitness and nutrition. You may not agree with all (or any!) of these, but hopefully, they will make you think!
Rant #1 – Why does everything make us fat or cause cancer?
It seems like we can’t eat or drink anything these days without being told it’s going to make us fat or cause cancer.
We try to eat canned tuna to eat less fat and we get mercury poisoning. We eat fruit and vegetables for vitamins and fiber, and pesticides give us tubers. We eat chicken and we get mad fowl disease and now salmon salmon gives you swine flu. Wine is good or bad for you depending on whether you eat it with cheese or with crackers!
What happened to the old days when we got fat from eating too much pie and got sick from eating too much paint on the walls? Now I ask that worrying about getting cancer can lead to cancer.
Rant #2 – Low Carb Beer
Do beer companies seriously believe they are selling diet beer? With all their talk about having 1 gram less carbs per tablespoon than others, they forget that the alcohol in their product actually makes you fat!
Not only does alcohol essentially rob you of your fat-burning enzymes, it preferentially stores it as fat and seriously messes with your body’s production of muscle-building hormones like testosterone.
I guess saying “low carb” sounds better than saying “water-down”. Next they add caffeine and Gatorade and call it a “high performance beer.”
Rant #3 – “Nutrition of the Week” Bandwagon Marketing
did you hear Fruit Loops are now healthier because they have added calcium! They have added calcium because someone decided to add a big bag of chalk to the sugary goop they made. You can now feed your sugar-crazed ADD kids with a clear conscience because it is now healthier for them because it contains calcium.
I’m waiting for the day when a clever marketer takes a simple piece of blackboard chalk and sells it as a “calcium stir stick” for your coffee.
I love it when a product that’s been around for 30 years is now advertised as “fat-free” or “low-carb” and it always and everyone knows it. “Fat-free” or “low-carb” water is not the revolutionary product it is made out to be.
But what really takes the cake is the vitamin companies proudly jumping on the nutrient bandwagon “Look! We’ve got it all!” When their pills are so tightly compressed and can’t be absorbed you can read the brand stamp on them when they come out the other end (I have it on good authority from a certain port-o-potty expert I know)!
Rant #5 – Making low carb foods out of non-low carb foods
Orange juice should not be low carb. I don’t care what they say. If I want low carb orange juice, I add my own water instead of paying the juice company and charging me extra for the privilege. That’s all I can say about it.
Rant #6 – Trying to pass off unhealthy foods as healthy
Pork Rinds Light – Now 25% less fat, sodium, cholesterol, lead and cyanide.
Even if you take some token percentage of bad stuff out of bad food, it’s still bad food. It’s like buying low-fat fat – it’s still fat. It has a good name now. After all, it’s so easy to reduce the fat in a serving, what’s the point in making it smaller? Who sits down and eats only 3 cheese doodles?
When I eat a food I know is bad but sometimes I’m going to eat it anyway. I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to sue you for unhealthy food. No one is putting a gun to my head to eat it. I don’t believe for a second that simply reducing the “perceived nastiness” of a food makes it “healthier” now. So please don’t try to sugar coat this delicious garbage except for flavor.
Rant #7 – Amazing Diet Patch
The only way you can lose weight with a diet patch is if you put it on your mouth. ‘Enough said, enough said.
Rant #8 – Expensive piss and other supplement bashing
There are doctors today who believe that taking vitamins only leads to expensive urine. They believe that you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need in a balanced diet. Unfortunately, some people only get a balanced diet when they are trying to carry 3 dishes to the table in one hand.
Going straight to prescribing expensive drugs to mask symptoms for people who need basic nutrition is the epitome of expensive piss, in my opinion.
And then there’s creatine. You may remember a few years ago when some media outlets ran a “don’t mess with the facts” story about the death of some high school wrestlers. He was taking creatine to improve his performance so obviously it must have killed him. It certainly wasn’t that he was taking long steam baths in rubber suits and exercising vigorously without drinking enough water to gain weight for wrestling matches. Since no one died of catastrophic dehydration or heat stroke it must have been a horror supplement that did it, right?
Let me be clear – there is nothing dangerous about creatine. It is a natural substance that is already found in your body in quantity. It is found in every piece of meat you eat. The only way creatine can hurt you is if someone drops a bucket of it on your foot.
Supplements seem to only make the news when someone says something bad about them, regardless of whether they are true or false.
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