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Losing Weight and Keeping it Off

Oprah Winfrey is an admirable woman. She has done so much for so many people and is an incredible role model for millions. She is beautiful, successful, intelligent, caring and an inspiration to all of us which is why his continued struggle with her weight is so sad. You have access to the best trainers, nutritionists, coaches and chefs. You have the time and resources to research the topic, plan healthy meals, and train using the most up-to-date methods available. She has the support of dozens of people who genuinely care about her, yet her weight has fluctuated up and down throughout her adult life.

She definitely has a good view of herself and has spoken candidly about traumas from her past. However, this realization hasn’t helped her in her fight against overeating. She has followed fad diets, fasts and exercise programs, but there is one thing she hasn’t done in this quest to lose the weight and keep it off. I believe there is a way for her to get off the swinging weight, once and for all. Over the years I’ve worked with women who overeat, it’s become apparent that dieting is a doomed practice because it doesn’t address even one of the three major facets of a woman’s eating disorder. These are: obsessions with food and weight; compulsive eating behaviors and a psychological attachment to weight. Let me explain:

Overeating is driven by unconscious psychological forces working towards a double goal; that of achieving emotional healing and self-nurturing. Overeating, like all addictions, arises from a drive to resolve past hurts or inadequacies. It is meant to replace the love and care that was missing in childhood and to mend emotional wounds that occurred as a result of childhood trauma or abandonment. Unfortunately, it’s an ineffective method of achieving these goals.

The unconscious mind is rigid and inflexible, and once it hangs on to a particular solution to an emotional problem, it doesn’t let go (until the conscious mind learns a new technique). Since food was her first, and perhaps the only thing that gave her comfort and relief, she believes deep down that eating is the only way to solve her problems. A woman begins to obsess over food due to internal confusion. Subconsciously, she is convinced that eating is her solution to her emotional needs, but consciously she does not experience it as helpful.

No matter how much she eats, she doesn’t feel any more healed or filled with love than she did before she started. Food stays at the forefront of her consciousness as she waits for it to do what it’s supposed to do, and hope that eventually, it will. Even women who overeat start to obsess over their weight. No one wants to be heavy but, of course, the more a woman eats, the more she earns. This creates an inner conflict between the unconscious part that is driven to overeat and the conscious part that doesn’t want to be overweight.

The woman is obsessed with the need to lose weight; tell her what she just ate, what she wants to eat and what she shouldn’t eat. She feels helpless, which makes her even more obsessed. She is exhausting. These obsessions consume a lot of time and energy and can make the world of the excessive eater very small. When a woman’s attention is narrowly focused on food and weight, she doesn’t pursue the kind of activities that might bring true happiness and might actually be healing and nurturing for her.

The second component of overeating is the compulsive aspect. A woman is forced to eat by a psychological survival mechanism that pushes her to face her emotional problems. The need for love and healing looms large in the unconscious mind that the urge to eat can be overwhelming and irresistible. No matter how much she eats, however, the woman experiences no significant relief from her inner pain, nor does she find fulfillment for her unfulfilled desires. This failure propels the compulsive behavior forward, prompting her to eat even more, because the rigid unconscious mind is convinced that she will eventually eat enough to achieve her goals.

The final aspect of the problem of overeating and weight is a woman’s psychological attachment to being overweight. Some women gain weight to feel “safe” in the world, believing that this physical barrier can prevent further emotional or physical wounds from occurring. A woman may also fear that she is unlovable or incompetent and will use the extra weight as a scapegoat for potential failures in her relationship or workplace. She thinks to herself, “It’s not me he doesn’t like; it’s fat.”

Women with a history of physical or sexual abuse have a stronger attachment to weight than anyone else. In these cases, the child feels helpless in the face of the trauma. Today, as an adult, she is convinced that she needs a “buffer zone” of weight to be safe from future assaults. She will never be able to maintain the weight she may have lost until she finds another way to feel safe in the world.

Of course, not all women with an overeating or weight problem have experienced severe childhood trauma or neglect. What all overweight women seem to have in common, though, is a certain lack of love, attention, or protection while growing up. Usually, the degree to which their eating is out of control is a reflection of the severity of the problems they experienced as a child. I would never dream of speculating about Oprah’s particular issues around eating and weight, but when I see such an otherwise intelligent, talented, and successful woman so stuck in this area of ​​her life, one thing seems clear: she seems to have no addressed at least one of the above aspects of this issue.

A woman can lose large amounts of weight simply by exerting willpower. Women are very strong and enterprising, organized and disciplined. They often succeed in achieving the health and fitness goals they set for themselves. However, if a woman has a psychological need to be heavy; if she has not let go of her food obsessions or she is strongly compelled to overeat, it is unlikely that she will be able to lose weight and keep it off permanently. If she does, she will become obsessed with what she eats and her body size, and will transfer her compulsions to compulsive eating restriction. I’ve seen these things happen too many times.

So what’s Oprah to do? Not to be presumptuous but I think the answer is most likely the same one I give to all the women I work with: address the three components of this issue in a meaningful way. I wrote my book “Never Diet Again” for women as smart and capable as Oprah; women who are successful in many areas of their lives but are still unable to overcome their nutrition and weight issues. If you’re one of these women, you must have tried every diet imaginable and I bet every one of them has failed.

If you’re like the overweight women I work with, you probably feel heartache over not being able to find the key that will open the door to your freedom. However, your frustration and despair can turn into relief and happiness, because the key to solving this problem is at hand. In working with women who overeat, I’ve discovered a simple and reasonable method to beat overeating, once and for all. Rather than using food for emotional healing, you need to face, grieve, and let go of past hurts and losses. So, you need to learn how to give yourself the love, nurturing, and protection that you were deprived of when you were growing up.

Oprah and women like her don’t need to keep on diets that will never work. Instead of being trapped forever in the prison of obsessions, compulsive eating and psychological attachment to weight, you can grab the key that is offered to you right now, turn it in the lock and walk through the door to freedom.

(C) Dr. Marcia Sirota

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