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The Long Term Effects of Not Supporting Children Through Their Grief and Grieving Process

I can only speak from my own experience. That’s all I know. Others may have experienced it in a different way, with different results, but this is what happened to me.

My 7 year old sister died in a car accident when I was 12 years old. My whole family is devastated. Mom and Dad were so confused that they couldn’t talk about what happened or my dead sister. They couldn’t talk about the terrible loss that had brought such a complete halt in their lives that in the next 15+ years my sister’s name was mentioned only a few times. My mother died last year, 30 years after my sister, and we never talked about what happened to my sister. It is still a taboo subject, buried in our minds and hearts.

At the age of twelve I was in the prime of adolescence and the teenage years and the normal anxieties that come with them were buried under the weight of the death of my sister and the emotional upheaval that was going on inside of me.

My sister’s sudden death was such a shock that I have few memories of her – in the weeks after her death I blocked out Christmas which happened just 9 days before she died. These memories have not yet been recovered.

When my sister died it was a physical and emotional mess when we moved in with my grandparents for a few weeks. One evening my whole life turned upside down and I hardly remember those first days. Life is about funeral arrangements. The church was full of friends, family and almost everyone from the school my sister attended. It was a wonderful experience. I still remember my father trying to hold back his tears as we stood in the church during the service.

Once my sister was buried, that was it. The talks and assurances that have not happened until now have not yet been fulfilled. I was filled with sadness and emotions, but not spoken. Days, weeks and months passed in silence. I began to accept that we would not talk about what had happened. I was left with only my thoughts as a way of coping – even my friends at school were told by the teacher not to talk to me about my sister. I am completely single and I don’t understand the silence. But there seemed to be no way to destroy it. I don’t know what to say. And as time went on, I began to think that if my parents didn’t talk about Simone anymore, maybe it was because she wasn’t that important. Maybe they forgot about him. Maybe they don’t like him. And if they don’t like him, they don’t like me either. There was no emotional or physical reassurance (not a family hug or talk but we love them) I felt like there was nothing I could say that wasn’t true. So I started to believe it. Now I was not only dealing with my sister’s death and my parents’ silence, but it also had a profound effect on my self-worth and self-love. I started to hate myself. The pain was intense.

I didn’t see my parents as bad or negligent because they didn’t feel like they were hurting me. They did their best, and no one can do more.

I still face these problems since my childhood. It’s been a long and lonely journey and although I no longer hate myself, I am quick to judge myself and have suffered from long periods of depression throughout my life.

Today there are more resources available to those experiencing the loss of a child. In 1980, my parents were left to fend for themselves. My surviving sister had counseling for a few weeks, but I got nothing. At the age of 12, I was caught between the worlds of adults and children. I chose to engage in adult conversation instead of playing with my sister, I was a responsible child, I did my own homework, I drove myself 8 miles across town to school every day – and so my family saw me as an ‘adult’, but inside, emotionally, I was still a child. And when I need love and nurturing and someone to talk to in this saddest moment, I don’t get it, my emotional needs are not met.

I am sharing this because I want to raise your awareness about this issue. If you have experienced the loss of a child, make sure that your surviving child’s needs are met. This may not be easy to determine, especially if they are quiet and don’t share much with each other. However, you need to ensure that there is provision for your child if he needs it. It could be asking one of their friends (if your child is 11 or older) to watch them, or maybe asking a loved one or close friend to set aside a private time for them where they can talk if someone is available. he likes. It could just be doing something as a family and reassuring everyone that you really love them in a tangible way (no point in buying toys!). Find resources in your area or online that can help. Grief and grief are difficult, not only for you, but also for your children. If you can’t help them, find someone who can.

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