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How to Teach Your Child About Healthy Competition – It’s Okay to Lose
Last week was sports day at my daughter’s school. He belongs to the Yellow House. He had to wear a yellow shirt and run for points. The yellow house won. I was very happy for my daughter because she won the green house last year. In fact, when the winning house was announced last year, many small faces were turned upside down. There were a lot of tears and shouting and the children were bitter because they lost.
That was wrong! I want to tell the kids “It’s okay to lose”.
After a few months I started to notice that my baby was getting stronger. As a mother, this is a first for me. I’m really not sure what to do or what to say to help my daughter understand that she doesn’t have to come first in everything.
My daughter wanted to win the math game every day. He wanted to win a prize at the weekly assembly. He started going back home when he only got 9 out of 10 in spelling. My child was sad when he lost the board game. In his mind, he had to conquer everything. The world was black or white, conquered or conquered, there was no middle ground.
Despite this new challenge, the competition became more of a problem for my daughter and something had to be done to help her understand and learn that it’s okay to lose.
Teaching my daughter to compete in a healthy way has been a learning experience for me and my children. He has now mastered a healthy attitude and can rejoice in his success. He doesn’t get upset when he loses. He accepts this with dignity because he knows that it is impossible to be the best at everything, all the time. No one is perfect.
With that, I’m sharing some tips on how to teach your kids about healthy competition and that it’s okay to lose.
Teach children that everyone is different.
As parents, we can teach young children that everyone is different and unique. We can talk to our children about the fact that every child has a talent. Sarah may be fast at running, but Joe is good at drawing. John may be good at counting but not so good at writing. Emma can swim but she can’t sing.
When children begin to understand that they have different talents, strengths and weaknesses, they will be ready to learn that they cannot be the best at everything and that it is not okay to do better in one subject or talent than another. .
Teach children that it is okay to lose
Losing is never fun. From childhood, children know that winning is the best outcome. As parents it is important to teach our children that it is okay to lose. You can talk to the children about the importance of everyone having a chance to win. We can teach our children to cheer for their friends when a friend wins.
I asked my son how he would feel if he got lost every time. He said he would be very sad. I explained to him that we all need to take turns to win which helps us feel happy but we can also be happy when a friend wins because we can feel happy for them.
(This was a turning point in my daughter’s understanding. She still wants to win but if not, she can now say, at least my friends won and they are happy about it)
Teach children that achieving and winning takes hard work.
As parents, we can teach our children that to be good at something, you have to practice. If my daughter wants to get high in spelling, we have to practice words every day. I put a lot of effort into teaching my kids that it’s okay to “just be good” and get average results in school and sports. However, he also knows that if he wants to do “better” he needs to make an effort.
I teach my children that in everything we do there is “good, good and best”. Although it is important to try our best, we can be happy when we do better than last time or get good or average marks. We can teach children to aim to be the best they can be, but to remain happy even if they haven’t developed as they would like.
The principle “good, better, best” can be very helpful in all situations in life, not only when we compete but also in everything we choose to do. This is the case for adults and children. We can celebrate the good in our lives, our good accomplishments and teach the kids that just because we don’t win or get the perfect results doesn’t make us any less.
Teach children to have fun.
It can often be easy to lose sight of the fun of learning, playing and competing when we focus on the end result of winning the game or getting the highest score.
We can teach our children to be good sportsmen and enjoy participating in a game or activity without getting into the competitive side. Of course, it’s important to try to win the race or win, board game, but it’s not the end of the world if we don’t win.
I talk to my kids and remind them that playing games with mommy and daddy is all about being together and having fun. It’s not just about winning. My daughter loves playing Uno. He likes to keep score and is understandably disappointed when he tries hard to win but fails. In this case I use “redirection technique”. I put his focus back on what we had fun with and we were able to play another day instead of him losing.
As children get older, competition becomes more and more intense. It is important that we teach our children to learn to “bounce back” from defeat, to experience defeat positively and to keep going even if the desired result is not achieved.
Teach children that not everything is a competition. Teach the importance of working together and working together to achieve.
We can teach our children to work together by setting goals and participating in activities that bring us together as a team. A good example can be found in recycling. As a family, we collect the waste paper in a bin and weigh it at the end of the week. We put the product on the table and put it in the trash can. This is a fun activity that promotes teamwork rather than competing to see who can collect the most letters.
Teaching our children to work together is an important principle. We can use cooperative games or create activities at home. Most importantly, we can lead by example. Instead of competing, my husband and I try to work together to achieve our goals and show this to our children. We set family goals and celebrate with shared rewards.
By teaching children today to be successful, we can prepare them for the future of adulthood. Our children can learn to compete for fun and learn how to bounce back from failure and disappointment in life.
We can talk to our children about competition. We can teach by example and show our children that losing a game or failing a test is not the be all and end all. Failure is an opportunity to try again and an opportunity to succeed.
I believe that parenting is the most important responsibility in life. Raising emotionally healthy children is very important for the next generation and by teaching our children the principles mentioned above can help them navigate the barriers between life and learn to compete in healthy ways throughout their lives.
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