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Ten Impossible Biblical Events
No one knows where to start, there are so many biblical follies to pick and choose from, so I’ve multiplied the White Queen’s six biblical wrongs into ten. In addition, here are ten of the best impossibilities in the Bible, a quintet each from the Old and New Testaments.
Now imagine if your neighbor, co-worker, lover, relative, spouse or co-worker told you that you have…
1) Swallowed by a great shark and lived to tell the tale. You have to conclude that there are tall tales of fishermen, and then there are real thieves! That would be a Whopper squared! (Jonah and the Whale)
2) A haircut that made them weak in the knees like a newborn. You can infer that they had some kind of physical condition that made them prone to fainting, but scissors have nothing to do with the logic of these spells. At least that’s what I’m going to conclude. (Samson’s haircut)
3) They trumpeted in the house, endured near neighbors stoning them to death because of the noise; If they blew the trumpet and as a result their house actually collapsed, you had to conclude that the architects and builders were misguided, in fact fraudulent. You certainly wouldn’t associate a brick building with crumbling bricks and blowing trumpets. (Joshua and the Battle of Jericho)
4) Followed their advice to the letter; get enough sleep and exercise and eat the right foods in the right amounts; have a healthy weight if you don’t smoke or drink alcohol or caffeine. Now their MD has promised them that they will live like Methuselah for more than 900 years! What do you think about it? I suspect you think the MD in question is deluded, doing snake oil medicine, maybe a real fraud and your neighbor had Buckley in his 90-plus 900-plus hits. (Evening of the Bible)
5) Ordered the Sun and the Moon to stand still (or stop the rotation of the Earth – the same difference), and that’s it, a kind of daylight savings. The real question is, how did you miss or benefit from this one day savings event? (Joshua and Gideon)
6) Virgin born. The date in question should clearly be the first of April – right? (Virgin Birth of Jesus)
7) There were 40 days and 40 nights in the desert without food. I’ve heard of fashion dining, but this is bordering on ridiculous! I suspect that if you can survive 40 days without food, you must be very weak to begin with; plenty of fat stores available for your energy needs. (Jesus in the desert tempted by Satan – although I don’t recall seeing any illustrations of Jesus being overweight or even flabby)
8) They walked on water because they didn’t want to get their “itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow poke-a-dot bikini” wet. Since the average human isn’t sweet enough to have to worry about being submerged in water, what’s the problem with getting wet, especially if your neighbor has a backyard swimming pool? (Jesus walking on the water)
9) A supply of bread rolls and fish fingers, which, at the behest of his fingers, resulted in an endless supply of never-ending trips to the supermarket to restock. If it works, you’d think the supermarket would charge your friend with witchcraft! (Loaves and fishes multiplied by Jesus)
10) Kicked the bucket but was raised from the dead. May I kindly suggest that you suspect your neighbors of smoking the good stuff or putting magic mushrooms in your soup! (The Resurrection of Jesus)
Now what do you really think about the intelligence of your neighbor if he talks like that? I imagine you might be inclined to call all those handsome young men in clean white suits and take your neighbors to the funny farm! If you don’t want to believe your friends and neighbors, even your own family about such strange claims, why would you believe the compiled text (the Bible) written thousands of years ago? by people you have never met and have never met. taken a polygraph test?
In fact, if someone you know has made one of these claims and because of that you have questioned their mental state, why not question the integrity of the Bible writers who made these ten statements, and many more besides? And if you do, the logical extension is the assumption that almost every part of the Bible is very sensitive, and if some parts are very sensitive, then all the texts of the Bible can be the same.
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