How Much Does The Average Boy 2 Year Old Weight The Golden Rule

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The Golden Rule

Fony aho vao nivoaka tany amin’ny reniko, dia imbetsaka izy no nilaza ny fiahiako ny amin’ny fiarovana ahy, toy ny hoe niandry teo ivelan’ny varavarako ny mponina niaraka tamin’ny fanilo sy ny garderie.

“Betsaka ny olona tsy tia ny pelaka, fantatrao,” hoy izy, ary nanondro ny “ireo pelaka” ho karazana azy manokana. “Nahoana ianao no te hampidi-doza toy izany?”

Tahaka ny zanaka jiosy za-draharaha rehetra, dia tsy noraharahaiko haingana ny ahiahin’ny reniko ho toy ny paranoia. Vehivavy manidy in-telo ny varavaran’ny efitra fatoriana mipetraka ao amin’ny tranon’ny masera (angamba hanala ny masera lesbiana). Rehefa lasa mpahay lalàna aho, dia nanoro hevitra ahy hanova ny anaram-bositra aho ary mody ho jentilisa, satria “mety tsy ho tia ny Jiosy ny orinasa mpanao lalàna”. Nampahafantariko azy fa raha ny marina dia maro amin’ireo orinasa mpanao lalàna malaza indrindra no manana anarana jiosy, fa ny reniko dia nanoratra izany ho “ezahina ho marina ara-politika”. Araka ny filazany, ireo Jiosy ireo dia mety ho sarin-teny fotsiny. Toa ny Papa no tena atidoha nikotrika ny rafitra ara-dalàna amerikana.

Saingy na dia eo aza ny valin’ny fandatsaham-bato feno entana sy ny paoma ratsy vitsivitsy, heveriko fa ny ankamaroan’ny olona dia tsy miraharaha ny toerana ametrahako ny filahiako (na dia tokony hikarakara bebe kokoa aza aho). Mazava ho azy fa mbola misy olona tsy mandefitra any, fa ny olona dia hahita antony tsy hitiavanao anao foana raha toa ka tiany izany. Raha tsy ny firaisana ara-nofo amiko dia mety ho tiako ny ketchup amin’ny paty. Izaho manokana dia tsy zakako ny olona mampiasa mari-piatoana marina amin’ny mailaka. Ataon’izy ireo ho kamo ny ambiny.

Tamin’ny fotoana nivoahako tany amin’ny reniko dia efa nivoaka ny efi-trano nandritra ny folo taona aho, ary nandritra izany fotoana izany dia tsy mbola nahatsiaro ho tandindomin-doza ara-batana aho noho ny firaisana ara-nofo. Ok, andian-dehilahy frat no niantso ahy hoe “fag” avy amin’ny fiara mandalo indray mandeha, fa io epitaph io dia toa natosiky kokoa ny faniriana ankapobeny hanevateva olona fa tsy ny firesahana mivantana ny firaisana ara-nofo amiko. Na dia tsy izaho aza no lehilahy lehilahy indrindra eran-tany, ny ankamaroan’ny lehilahy mahitsy dia manana gaydar mahatsiravina, ary tsy afaka mamaritra tsara ny firaisana ara-nofon’ny lehilahy hafa, indrindra fa avy amin’ny roanjato metatra miala. Na dia eo aza ny fironan’izy ireo mifampiantso hoe “fag” sy “homo”, ny lehilahy mahitsy amin’ny ankapobeny dia tsy te hihevitra fa misy olona tena pelaka, angamba satria mety hidika izany fa mety ho toy izany koa izy ireo. Nanana mpiara-mianatra eny amin’ny oniversite aho izay, taorian’ny nivoahako tany aminy, dia nanizingizina fa “manaporofo” aminy aho fa pelaka, na dia napetraka foana aza ny VCR mba handraketana ny The Golden Girls ary ny fanangonana CD-ko dia naharitra ny asan’i Liza nanomboka tamin’ny fiakarana ka hatramin’ny fahapotehana. . Nanolotra azy ho porofo aho; Nolaviny tamim-pahalalam-pomba izany, kanefa ny fahazotoako dia ampy handresy lahatra azy fa nilaza ny marina aho.

Na dia diso toerana aza ny fiahian’ny reniko ny amin’izay hahasoa ahy, dia tsy mitombina tanteraka izany. Tsy ireo lalana feno fankahalana tokony ho nampitandremany ahy, izay mora voailika sy ialana. Tsia, raha nahafantatra tsara kokoa ny reniko, dia ho nampitandrina ahy momba ireo pelaka mankahala, izay mitantana ny tambajotra sosialy amin’ny totohondry latex izy.

Ny fivoahana ny efi-tranonao dia tsy vitan’ny hoe manao firaisana ara-nofo fotsiny. Tafiditra ao anatin’izany koa ny fiverenana amin’ny tontolon’ny fitondran-tena izay efa nariana teo am-bavahadin’ny kianja filalaovana. Ho an’ny karazana pelaka sasany, ny fivoahana avy ao anaty efi-trano dia fahazoan-dàlana haneso, haneso ary hampijaly tsy misy sazy. Ary tsy ny mavesatra, sola, ary/na antitra ihany no mijaly noho io fihemorana faobe io. Mety hanimba ny takariva iray manontolo ny zavatra kely toy ny fanaovana clogs lehilahy tamin’ny vanim-potoana farany. Ny fototarazo pelaka dia misy miaraka amin’ny fototarazon’ny tovovavy tanora.

Mazava ho azy fa tsy manana monopole amin’ny fahamboniana ny homosexualité. Azo antoka fa tsy misy American Next Top Electrical Engineer, na Make Me A Supernerd, ary mitombo isa ny vehivavy Botoxed, retoxed, ary detoxed any izay mety tsy ho simba intsony. Fa ny lehilahy miray amin’ny lehilahy no mamadika ny lesoka ho lasa pathologie.

Fantatro fa niditra tao amin’ny faritany tsy tia namana aho tamin’ny fotoana voalohany nandehanako tany amin’ny trano fisotroana pelaka. Nanapa-kevitra ny handeha irery aho, ary nanantena fa ho sariaka ny olona ary handray ahy amin’ny tanana malalaka. Toy ny gay Cheers, tsy misy jiro ratsy sy ny mahogany rehetra.

“Oh, ry rehetra, Jona io! Vao avy nivoaka avy tao amin’ny efi-trano izy! Ndao isika hanome azy fifaliana lehibe!” Amin’izay fotoana izay dia hanandratra ahy eo an-tsorony izy ireo ary angamba hanao hora iray, arakaraka ny tahan’ny Jiosy sy ny jentilisa.

Niova kely ny zava-misy. Tsy nisy nifaly rehefa niditra aho, tsy nisy horas tazana, ary tsy nisy nahalala ny anarako na nokarakarainy. Fa kosa nahita lehilahy marobe nijoro tsy nahatsiaro tena nanodidina ny dihy aho, nifampijery tamin’ny endrika mitovy amin’ny mampiahiahy, maneso ary manao firaisana ara-nofo. Isaky ny misy olona mibanjina olon-kafa, ny olona voalohany dia nitodika haingana — tsia, tsy liana aminao aho, raha ny marina dia nijery ny namanao aho, fantatrao, ilay mafana kokoa. Dihy lycée izy io, afa-tsy ny olona rehetra nisotro toaka sy sigara ary filahiana.

Nandany haingana ny cranberry vodka voalohany aho. Tena nanandrana toa an’i Robitussin izy io, ary nanontany tena aho raha manana mpamatsy vodka mitovy amin’ny CVS ilay bar. Nanafatra iray hafa aho, ary nampidina an’io ihany koa. Tsy niezaka ny ho mamo aho — ny fisotroana teo anoloan’ny tarehiko dia nanome ahy zavatra hojerena, satria isaky ny miandrandra aho dia tsy maintsy mahita olona tsara tarehy kokoa, tsara tarehy kokoa, na tsara tarehy noho izaho. Efa toy izany foana ve ny sofiko? Lehibe noho ny ankavia ve ny masoko havanana? Nipple fahatelo ve izany? Ahoana no namelako ny tenako ho tonga amin’izany? Tsapako ny fahaterahan’ny psychosis vaovao tonga tao amiko; pathological fahatsiarovan-tena. Ny fivoahana dia tokony hampihena ny volako amin’ny fitsaboana, fa tsy ny mifanohitra amin’izany.

Nahavoa ahy haingana ilay cranberry vodka faharoa — manana ny tatavia amin’ny munchkin aho – ary navelako ny seza zoro azo antoka mba handehanana any amin’ny efitra fandroana.

Nisy bandy maromaro nijoro teo anoloan’ny efitra fandroana, nitsara tsara ny olona rehetra miditra sy mivoaka. Nampahatsiahivin’izy ireo ahy ireo Muppets taloha izay mipetraka eny an-davarangana ary maneso ny fandehanana isan-karazany eo ambanin’izy ireo, afa-tsy ny nanao pataloha jeans Diesel sy t-shirt roanjato dolara. Izy ireo ihany koa dia tsy dia tanàn-dehibe loatra noho ny mpiara-miasa aminy.

“Hey, hitanao ve ny vodiny? Heverinao ve fa mila ny valanoranon’ny fiainana izy mba hamoahana azy amin’ny fiara?”

“Io volo io dia mijery tsara kokoa amin’ny alikako.”

“Nahita fitia kely kokoa aho tamin’ny Dom DeLuise.”

Folo taona lasa izay, ireo lehilahy ireo ihany no nofonosina tao anaty fitoeran-jiro ary nahantona teo amin’ny tsato-kazo. Rehefa nijery azy ireo nanaratsy ny olona rehetra nandalo teo amin’ny lalany aho, dia naniry ny hivezivezen’ireo mpampijaly azy ireo tao amin’ny lisea ka hanao fampisehoana baiko.

Soa ihany fa niditra tao amin’ny efitra fandroana tao ambadiky ny vondron’olona mavesatra (heavyset araka ny fenitra pelaka, salan’isa amin’ny mahitsy) izay nanintona ny sain’izy ireo, ary tsy nahatsikaritra ahy ireo Muppets ratsy fanahy. Tamin’izay aho vao tsapako fa mety ho sarotra kokoa noho ny nantenaiko ny fampiasana ireo fitaovana. Ny efitranon’ny lehilahy dia misy troth lava misy fitaratra eo amboniny mitongilana midina, ny tanjona dia azo inoana fa hanome fahafahana ny mpampiasa azy hisotro ronono sy fivarotana varavarankely amin’ny fotoana iray ihany. Soa ihany fa narary mafy aho tamin’izay fotoana izay ka tsy nahatsikaritra ny firohondrohon’ny lehilahy nibanjina ahy, na ny marimarina kokoa, tamin’izany. Saingy tsy dia mazoto loatra aho ka nihantona nandritra ny fotoana fohy kokoa noho izay nilaiko.

Indrisy anefa, na dia tafavoaka tsy nisy naninona aza aho rehefa niditra tao amin’ny efitra fandroana, dia tsy dia tsara vintana aho tamin’ny fivoahana.

“Inona no hevitray momba ny satroka?”, miresaka momba ny satroka volon’ondry ski nataoko tamin’iny alina iny mba hampafana ny sofiko tao anatin’ny alina mangatsiakan’i Boston. Tsy fantatro fa ny satroka dimy dolara dia mety ho fanambarana lamaody ihany koa.

“Mety hahomby izany, raha tsy dia matevina loatra ny tarehiny.” Tsy nisy niantso ahy hoe “chunky” hatramin’ny kilasy fahasivy, fony aho somary matavy noho ny fihoaran’ny ampahefatry ny kilao sy ny tsy fahampian’ny hetsika ara-batana. Tsy nampihena ny lanja ny kilasin’ny gym, angamba satria tsy tena nandray anjara tamin’ny kilasin’ny fanaovana gym aho hatramin’ny nianarako nanamboatra ny sonian’ny reniko. Soa ihany fa tsy nahay loatra ny mpampianatra gym.

“Nokapohin’ny bera polar ve ianao?”, hoy ilay mpanazatra, rehefa nanome azy naoty manokana. “Tsy mipetraka any amin’ny Arktika ve ny bera polar?”

“Oh, tsia. Nisesisesy ny fanafihana orsa tany Long Island tato ho ato. Ny fiakaran’ny maripanan’ny tany!”

Indrisy anefa fa tamin’ny taona zandriny dia nosoloin’ny kinova lesbiana marani-tsaina kokoa ilay mpampianatra mpanao fanatanjahan-tena tsy dia marani-tsaina loatra ahy, izay tsy nandray tsara ny fialan-tsiny nampalahelo ahy ary nitombo ny ahiahy tamin’ireo naoty tsy tapaka.

Hoy izy tamiko: “Fantatrao fa hiantso ny reninao aho ary hijery ny sasany amin’ireo naoty nataonao ireo.

“Oh, ok, eny, mandehana,” hoy aho, niantso azy bluff. “Fa aza miantso rehefa afaka amin’ny 1 ora tolakandro. Tamin’izay izy nanao — inona indray no iantsoana azy — chimiothérapie? Ary avy eo dia mandoa matetika izy mandritra ny alina, fa raha ataoko eo an-tsofiny ny telefaonina dia mety ho afaka hiresaka izy. eo anelanelan’ny fisandratana.”

Ny kanseran’ny sain’ny reniko, dia nanapa-kevitra ny hanaisotra azy io aho, hanilika ny lalan’ny lozam-pifamoivoizana, ary ho lasa aretina ara-batana izay nanakana ahy tsy handray anjara amin’ny hetsika ara-batana tsy mampidi-doza indrindra, ny ankamaroany dia mipetrapetraka mandritra ny fotoana maharitra. fe-potoana. Soa ihany aho fa nanana mpitsabo aretin-tsaina be fangorahana izay nanohana ahy, angamba satria fantany fa adala ny ray aman-dreniko ary dingana roa hatrany amin’ny fiantsoana serivisy fiarovana ny zaza.

Rehefa manao jery todika, dia tokony ho nandray anjara tamina kilasy fanaovana fanatanjahan-tena bebe kokoa aho. Mety ho naniry hoditra matevina kokoa aho raha nanana.

“Eny, tena chubby izy,” hoy i Muppet #2 namaly. Mbola tsy nisy niantso ahy hoe “chubby” hatramin’ny sekoly ambaratonga faharoa, rehefa nilaza tamiko i John Leclark fa manana “volomparasy” aho. Mbola tsy azoko antoka ny dikan’izany.

“Lehibe lavitra noho ny vatany ny lohany”, hoy hatrany izy, sady nisotro zava-pisotro madio. “Gaga aho fa tsy mitongilana amin’ny rivotra mafy izy.”

“Ary nojerenao ve ny kiraro? Afaka milaza ve isika fa tsy mandoa vola, mijaly bebe kokoa?”

Eny, izany no izy. Mety ho vao avy nivoaka ny efi-trano aho, saingy fantatro fa ny fanevatevana kiraro dia mitovy amin’ny tehamaina, ary mila valiny. Nijanona ho faty teo anoloan’izy ireo aho.

“Fantatrao fa maheno anao aho, sa tsy izany?” Hoy aho tamin’i Muppet #1. Nisafidy ny hiresaka azy aho satria kely noho izaho izy, ary nihevitra aho fa horaisiko izy raha sendra kapoka. Na dia tamin’izany fotoana izany aza aho teo amin’ny fiainako dia tsy nanam-potoana loatra aho ka mety ho nikapoka ahy i Punky Brewster. Tsy misy mahamenatra anefa izany. Vehivavy lesbiana masiaka izy.

Tsy tonga tamin’ny kapoka izany. Tsy tonga tamin’ny teny akory izany, tena. Nibanjina ahy nandritra ny iray minitra izy roa, ary avy eo hoy i Muppet #2:

“Ka?”

Ary izany no izy. Nijoro teo aho nandritra ny fotoana fohy, nieritreritra raha hampiakatra ny toe-draharaha, ary nanapa-kevitra ny hanohitra izany. Efa ampy ny mpanjakavavin’ny tantara an-tsehatra tao ambanin’io tafo io, ary mety ho nihoatra ny fahafahan’ilay trano ny iray hafa.

Saingy nisy antony hafa namela izany – tsy mendrika izany. Nijoro mivantana teo anoloan’izy ireo aho, tsy hatezerana no tsapako, fa famindram-po. Tao anatin’ny t-shirts sy pataloha jeans telo habe kely loatra, dia lasa sariitatra ho azy ireo ry zalahy. Nanafintohina ny tenany izy ireo mandra-pahafatiny, ary tao anatin’izany dia nanadino ny baikon’ny fahamendrehan’ny olombelona amin’ny ankapobeny. Ary noho izany dia nalahelo azy ireo aho. Angamba ny fahasosorana tamin’izy ireo no tena valifaty lehibe indrindra.

Minitra vitsy taty aoriana, niandrandra aho avy eo amin’ny vodka cranberry fahatelo — ny zava-pisotro dia nanandrana tsara kokoa isaky ny mandeha, ny fahagagana avy amin’ny alikaola – ary nahita azy ireo mbola nijoro teo, afa-tsy amin’izao fotoana izao i Muppet #2, ilay avo kokoa sy mahafinaritra kokoa. Ny iray tamin’izy mivady, dia nahazo namana vaovao, ary i Muppet #1 dia navela hiasa ho an’ny tenany. Nisy nilaza tamiko fa tsy zava-baovao ho azy izany. Muppet #1 dia mbola nijery ny efitrano ho an’ireo niharam-boina, saingy tsy nanana olona hizara ny fahoriany mahagaga izy. Ireo fanaratsiana rehetra ireo, lasa very tao an-dohany.

Tamin’izay no nanaovako fanapahan-kevitra, tsy ho lasa sariitatra ho an’ny tenako mihitsy. Nampanantena aho tamin’io alina io fa ho tsara fanahy amin’ny olona rehetra, na inona na inona firazanana, foko, taonany, lanjany — nampanantena mihitsy aza aho fa ho tsara fanahy amin’ireo izay tsy hokasihin’ny hafa amin’ny andry iray metatra, toy ny boka, na ny Repoblikana. Tsy noho ny fangorahana, fa firaisankina. Afaka namerina ny alina tamin’ny Muppets ratsy fanahy sy ny mitovy aminy isika. Nampanantena aho fa ho olo-masin’ny trano fisotroana pelaka rehetra halehako mandritra ny androm-piainako. Horaisiko amin’ny fahamendrehana sy ny fanajana izay antenaiko horaisina amin’ny tenako ny tsirairay.

Fa raha tsy sola izy ireo. Na ny olo-masina aza manana fetra.

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