What To Eat After Late Night Workout To Lose Weight Why There Are No Fat Vampires

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Why There Are No Fat Vampires

Have you ever wondered why you never see fat vampires in the cinema?

Aside from all the teenage vampire romances and exotic Hollywood vampires with European accents, I haven’t seen any overweight vampires yet. (OK, maybe the really big one in the first Blade movie with Wesley Snipes.) Even the really crazy ugly ones are often gaunt, stringy, or ripped with sinewy muscles. Even the beautiful fictional character, Vampirella, is incredibly strong. (But she’s from another planet, so she goes out into the daylight.)

When you think about the vampire’s metabolism and lifestyle, it makes perfect sense. They usually wake up hungry and fully motivated to hide in the shadows and assault unsuspecting victims. Sometimes they might use the hypnotic eye trick to subdue some weak-willed humans before sinking their fangs into them.

Otherwise, there’s a lot of creeping around, chasing humans, climbing buildings, breaking into places, and dodging angry vampire killers. And the manhunt continues in any weather. Rain, snow, sleet, fog (fog is actually good), thunder showers, and hot, humid nights. They don’t take breaks, sitting by the fireplace, watching television, or hanging out at the bar (although it’s a good place to find humans). And vampires can’t just pop down to the convenience store for some junk food. They must receive their ration of blood, go hungry or hibernate.

And they sleep. Hours and hours of uninterrupted sleep. No wonder they’re ready when they wake up. None of the vampire stories I’ve read, seen, or heard of 24/7 vampires. Being hypersensitive to sunlight, they had to work the night shift strictly and sleep through the day. So even after the longest night of stalking and chasing prey and sometimes battling and evading some vengeful humans, the vampire still has plenty of time to nap. Often more than 12 hours at a time. Exercise, eat, sleep. In the vampire way of life there were three ingredients of a long life.

And you’ve never heard of one of them eating junk food, candy, pastries or high sugar breakfast cereals, smoking cigarettes or drinking pop or alcohol, have you? (Well, the vampire played by Colin Farrell in the 2011 remake of Scary night drank a beer.) No, it was a strict diet of iron-rich blood, lots of exercise climbing in the dark, and deep sleep. It’s probably why undead beings never had to visit the dentist or doctor unless vampires went for a snack.

Now I’m not advocating that kind of lifestyle especially late nights and blood drinking. Unless you have photophobia or a condition like XP (xeroderma pigmentosum), you will miss out on the benefits of sunlight. Drinking blood is dangerous because blood can carry pathogens, is difficult to digest, and contains too much iron (causing hemochromatosis) which can damage internal organs. And all this prowling around in the dark and attacking people is going to make you unpopular and possibly land you in jail.

But I fully support natural and functional fitness exercises, deep breathing, body alignment, and many other factors that the vampire lifestyle can replicate.

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